Landslide
by AdaliaWren
Summary: Vince and Dave Teagues knew Sarah, they knew Lucy, and they know Audrey. Does their love and concern for her go beyond friendship? An idea I got from one of my favorite songs.
1. Chapter 1

_Please excuse any anachronisms or mistakes with current canon. I've been holding onto this for a few weeks and just got up the guts to finish the first part and post it. All reviews are welcome, and please feel free to PM me and let me know what you think. _

"Damn it!" I groaned as my cell phone starting ringing just as I managed to heft the last of the groceries into the trunk. I looked down at my four-month-old daughter with mock sternness and shook a finger at her. "Don't swear. It's a bad habit."

Amelia, strapped into her infant car seat, grinned at me and giggled as I dug my phone from the diaper bag. Lifting Amelia's seat into the base and hearing it click into place, I hit 'answer' on my phone and put it to my ear. "Hi, Daddy. Can I call you back a little later? I'm just leaving the supermarket with Amelia –."

"Daphne, sweetheart, this can't wait. I want you to come back to Haven. They're back." My dad's familiar voice, usually comforting, sounded almost frantic. "You need to tell Jason and you need to come back here with Amelia. All three of you."

My heart pounded in my chest at his words, and I began to feel cold and clammy. Had I heard him right?

"Daph? Did you hear me?"

"I heard you, Daddy." I shut the door to my SUV and opened the driver's side door, sliding into the driver's seat. I didn't make a move for my keys, just sat there, the phone to my ear. "Are you sure they're back?"

"Honey, I wouldn't have called you unless it was absolutely positive. Please, you need to be here. You have no idea how to handle it. I can help you. You and Amelia and Jason will be safer here." He was pleading with me, I could hear the worry in his voice.

"Daddy, we can't just leave Atlanta. Jason's job is here, we have a house, a mortgage, we have a life here." I protested. "Can't you come here? You know that you're always welcome here for as long as you want."

I heard him sigh on the other end of the line, a heavy, concerned sigh. "You've never told Jason, have you?"

My face grew hot. My dad knew me well. Too well. And how do you begin that conversation anyway? And when? When you're dating? Engaged? After you're married?

'_**So, my hometown is kind of…cursed. Some of the people are, too. I'm one of them. Also, it's genetic, so any kids we have will probably be cursed, too. Just thought you'd like to know.'**_

I'd solved the problem by never taking Jason to Haven. Ever. He'd accepted my explanation, and since my only family had made regular visits, he didn't have a problem not making the trek up to Maine.

"Sweetheart, you have to tell him. You have to tell him everything. And after you do, the three of you need to come to Haven." He paused. "They came back when she did. She's here."

The anxiety that had overtaken me suddenly turned into black hatred so intense that it scared me. I wouldn't set foot in Haven with her there, nor would I ever let my daughter near her. She'd murdered my mother and tried to kill me. The only reason I'd ever return to Haven with her there would be to kill her myself. Rage boiled inside of me, some of it directed at my father's belief that I could ever co-exist in the same town with her.

As if reading my thoughts (a bubble of laughter nearly escaped my mouth at _that_ idea), my dad's next words were softer and carefully chosen. "She wasn't responsible for your mom, Daphne, and she never tried to purposely hurt you. I know you don't want to believe me, but she saved your life."

"Daddy, I can't come back to Haven. I can't." I leaned around the seat to comfort Amelia, who'd begun to fuss. Finding her pacifier, I managed to pop it into her mouth. "Dad, I really need to go. Amelia's getting restless and it's nearly her nap time."

"Promise me you'll tell Jason." My dad was insistent, and it sounded like he was about to break down. "He needs to know about your…your Trouble. He needs to know in case it manifests. And promise me that you will strongly consider coming here. Please, Daph."

I struggled to hold back tears. "I'll call you later, Daddy. I'll talk to Jason and I'll call you later. Okay?" I took a deep breath. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. More than you could ever know."

The line disconnected and he was gone. I leaned my head on the steering wheel and began to cry. Once the tears were out of my system, I drove home, put an already-sleeping Amelia in her bassinet for a nap, unloaded the groceries, and started on dinner. When Jason came home, I told him nothing, just as I knew my dad would expect.

Two and a half years after that phone call from my dad, Jason and I had our second daughter, Annabelle. In addition to staying home with my daughters, I wrote a weekly column for a popular online parenting website, and supplemented that income with freelance work. We had friends, amazing friends. Jason's parents treated me as they did their own children, his mother especially. I had grown up without a mom and she helped to fill a part of that void, treating me just as she treated her own two daughters.

I loved my life.

So I never told him. My Trouble hadn't manifested at all, and I grew complacent. Another few months and it would all be over anyway. She'd go back in the barn and everything would go back to normal in Haven. And Jason would never have to know.

And then one night, Jason and I had an argument. In our nine years of marriage, we'd rarely argued, and when we did have disagreements, we always resolved them quickly. This time was different. He'd invested in a start-up with some college friends as a silent partner. He hadn't even used our savings, he'd cashed in a CD that his grandmother had left him when she'd passed away a year before. We'd even talked about using it for an investment like this one. Even so, I was furious. Jason was shocked. He'd never seen me so upset before, had no idea where the fury came from. I had no idea myself, but I couldn't control it, which just set both of us on a path of anger that began to feel dangerous.

He decided to spend the night at his mother's house until we both cooled down enough to talk. As he walked out the front door, I made a move to stop him, but my pride held me back. When he backed the car from the driveway, a sudden flash of images flew across my brain, like a silent movie. A semi-truck, driving on the wrong side of the road. Jason rounding a curve on a two-lane highway with no time to react. The semi and the car hitting one another head-on.

I dismissed the scene as my imagination running away with me because I was upset about our fight. It wasn't real, Jason would be at his mother's. Within a half an hour after he'd left, I sat in the armchair in the family room, nursing Annabelle with one arm, and using my free hand to text Jason an apology and an 'I love you'. I kept waiting for a response, praying for the tone that would tell me I had a text, Jason telling me he was safe and he loved me, too, and he'd see me and the girls in the morning.

When the knock came on my front door at 4:30 AM, I knew. My husband, the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, the man whom I'd loved with my entire being…he was dead. Killed in a car accident between him and a semi-truck. I was to blame. I'd killed him as much as if I'd driven that truck myself. My daughters no longer had a father because of me. And I only had one place to turn. I knew that now.

The next few weeks were a blur to me. Close friends and Jason's family helped me sell the house, pack it up, pack our life together into boxes. The house sold quickly. I put most of our possessions into storage, put my daughters into their car seats, and drove north.

When I got there, I parked on the street, lifted out the infant carrier with Annabelle in it, unlatched Amelia from her car seat, and turned to look up at the sign above the storefront. With a deep breath, I opened the door to the Haven Herald and walked in with my daughters.

My dad and my Uncle Dave both looked up from their desks. "Daphne!" They both exclaimed in unison, standing, as if they hadn't been waiting for me, for the girls, as if they didn't know this day would come.

My shoulders began shaking, and I put the infant carrier down. Uncle Dave immediately knelt down in front of Amelia, who grinned at him. "Hi, Unk Day!" She said, showing off the vocabulary that we'd practiced in the car. She'd also learned the words to almost every Laurie Berkner song ever recorded, and although I wasn't proud of the fact, she could belt out a pretty mean rendition of Ani DiFranco's 'Gravel'.

"Daphne." My father held out his arms, and all resolve that I had not to fall apart in front of my daughters left me. I was no longer the woman I'd carefully crafted over the last fourteen years away from Haven – Daphne Porter: wife, mom, writer. I was once again Daphne Teagues: daughter, niece, Haven native.

Troubled.


	2. Chapter 2

**(So sorry for the long delay - I fell victim to the flu, which turned into a bout of pneumonia, and have been working a lot to make up for lost time. I am in massive Haven withdrawal, however, so I'm eager to keep writing to get my 'fix'! There will not be such a delay with the next chapter, I promise! As always, all feedback is very much welcomed and encouraged!)**

Haven hadn't changed much in the fourteen years since I'd been gone. Some of the stores I remembered were gone, new ones in their place. Still no Starbucks, I noted with disappointment, although I at least had the conscience to feel ashamed of my disappointment. I'd never been a coffee drinker, but after a semester spent in India in college, I became quickly addicted to glasses of the sweet, spicy tea offered by street vendors.

I'd learned to make my own when I got back from my semester in Mumbai, and was rarely without my massive thermos of chai, but once the girls came along, I found myself at the Starbucks drive-through much more than I cared to admit. On the drive from Atlanta to Haven, we stopped at 15 different Starbucks so that I could grab an iced grande non-fat vanilla chai latte. I could justify it by pretending I'd really stopped for the organic milk boxes for Amelia. I could have bought them at a supermarket and kept them in a cooler for a quarter of the Starbucks price, but I wasn't fooling anyone, especially not the baristas, who smiled their smug, knowing smiles. I cursed them under my breath every time they handed me my cup full of liquid crack.

There are worse things to be than a Starbucks addict, I guess. For instance, a chai from Starbucks couldn't kill someone with its thoughts.

I also saw new businesses in Haven and old family businesses, names I recognized, new names. I saw old friends that I'd grown up with, although we'd never kept in touch once we all went to college.

Everything I saw, however, I saw from the safety of the Herald's second floor, the apartment that my dad and Uncle Dave had hastily cleaned and decorated. They'd even filled the rooms with furniture, some from antique stores around town, some I recognized from growing up, some was new. I wasn't ready to face Haven yet, although Dad and Uncle Dave had 'aired out the kids', one of Dave's goofy sayings, taking them on walks through less-populated areas of Haven and to the park to let Amelia play on the equipment.

They gave me space, neither Dad nor Uncle Dave pushing me to talk to them or get out into the town to see old friends. When I was alone, I thought about Jason, thought about our life together, how easy it had been to fall in love with him in college. And even more surprisingly, how easy it had been to _be _in love with him, even once that initial glow had faded. We'd be in a crowd of people, at a concert or a party, he'd lace his fingers in mine...a gesture that was so simple, yet made me feel like we were the only two people there. Seeing him reading to Amelia, his head tilted against hers, and Amelia gazing at him with complete adoration made my knees weak. I missed that so much already.

The apartment had two bedrooms, Amelia slept in one and I kept Annabelle in the master bedroom with me since she was still up once or twice a night to nurse. The bedroom had been decorated in a bright cheerful yellow and white, with a beautiful, plush duvet. It was white with small bunches of delicate daises scattered on it, and large, sweeping black lines as leaves. The antique white furniture I recognized from our guest room growing up – it had been my mother's – and the yellow curtains and white and yellow striped throw rug were new. Amelia's bedroom was a princess' dream, enough pink to make Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty puke their guts out, although she was enchanted by it. Dad and Uncle Dave obviously had a direct connection to the 'what-makes-three-year-old-girls-happy' hotline.

The living room, with the kitchen nestled in one corner, was a mish-mosh of furniture I grew up with, along with various pieces that looked as if Dad and Uncle Dave had picked them up for free at the local antique shops. Nothing matched, but it reminded me of home, where my dad raised me, comfortable and familiar. Exactly what I needed.

I'd spent part of the morning unpacking. Dad and Dave had taken Amelia to a park near the edge of Haven, and Annabelle was napping in her bassinet. I knew I'd eventually have to have our things moved up from storage, but we had everything we needed at the moment. Except my thermos of chai. I'd have to ask my dad to pick up what I needed to make it. In the meantime, I was pretty sure that there was a stash of tea bags in the back of the tiny office kitchen. Hopefully, one of the tea bags was decaf since Annie would be waking and wanting to nurse soon.

Grabbing the baby monitor, I opened the apartment door and pulled it shut behind me as quietly as I could, then headed down the back stairs to the Herald office. As I headed into the back towards the kitchen, I glanced out to the deserted office and saw a shadow. I stopped dead in my tracks. I knew Dad and Dave weren't back yet since I'd hear Amelia before I saw her. The shadow moved across the room, and I looked around for anything that might work as a weapon. Finding nothing in reach, I gripped the baby monitor tightly and began to tiptoe towards the shadow, lifting the monitor over my head.

As I started to bring it down on the shadow's head, an arm reached out and grabbed my wrist, turning me backwards so that I couldn't see who belonged to the shadow. I didn't scream, desperately trying to remember my self-defense moves from a few dorm meetings in college that usually ended in marathon gossip sessions.

"I knew I should have paid more attention when they taught us how to break someone's nose." I muttered, sinking my teeth into my tormentor's hand.

"OW!" He (I could tell from his voice that he was a he) yanked his hand away, shaking it. "What the hell? Didn't they teach you NO BITE! in nursery school?"

That voice. It wasn't exactly the same, but I still recognized it fourteen years later. A voice that was nearly impossible to forget. I whirled around, crossing my arms. "Duke Crocker! You son of a bitch! Don't you knock?"

"Well, well, well. The prodigal daughter has finally returned." Duke leaned against the doorway, still rubbing the teeth marks on his hand. "Daphne Teagues. It's about damn time you came back to Haven."

"Daphne Porter now." I corrected him, amazed at how quickly his demeanor changed from pissed off to smooth talker. Same old Duke. "I got married."

"Oh, yeah, I remember your dad showing off your wedding pictures." He grinned at me, but the smile left his face almost immediately. "I'm sorry. Sorry about your husband, I mean. Vince told me."

"Thanks." I murmured, not wanting to say more in case the tears decided to make an appearance, as they often did. "I never thought I'd say this, but it's good to be home."

"Haven has that effect on people." He glanced back into the Herald office. "Where are Vince and Dave?"

"Probably spoiling my oldest daughter rotten and rotting her teeth with ice cream, too." I replied, smiling wryly.

"Right. You've got kids. Two girls?" I nodded. "Little Daphne, a mom. Last time I saw you, I don't think you even filled out the top of your homecoming dress and now…" I saw his eyes sweep down my body quickly.

I stared at him in amused disbelief. "Really, Duke? Are you seriously _hitting_ on me?" I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the absurdity. "You do realize that I've only been a widow for three months?"

He at least had the sense to look embarrassed. "Hell. Sorry. It's a reflex."

"It's okay. Nice to see that some things in Haven never change." I set the baby monitor down. "Aside from the usual, I mean."

"Is that why you're back?" Duke watched my reaction intently. "Did your…you know…is it back?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. "I've moved back to Haven, that's all that anyone needs to know."

Before Duke could reply, a wail came over the baby monitor. "She takes after Vince." Duke grinned.

"Come on." I grabbed the monitor and started up the steps to my apartment. "I'll get her up and you can tell me all about the hell you've raised for the last fourteen years. And no leaving out any jail time."

I opened the door to the bedroom, not realizing that Duke had followed me. Annie had rolled to her back, her face tear-stained, watching me pitifully as I approached her bassinet. Her cries quieted as I lifted her into my arms and she saw Duke standing in the doorway, her dark blue eyes fixated on him. "Oh, no, you don't, young lady. Mr. Crocker is much too old for you." I kissed the dark fuzz on the top of her head. "Are you hungry? Let's get you fed before your sister gets back, okay?"

I headed back out into the living room, nestling in the armchair with Annie. Throwing a small blanket over my shoulder, I settled Annie down to nurse and motioned to the couch for Duke. "So, tell me everything."

"Everything? Do you want me to start with my daily routine or with every job I've held since you left town?" He rolled his eyes at me, and I resisted the urge to swear at him.

"You are still a gigantic tool, Duke Crocker."

"You asked." He grinned. "Seriously, everything would bore the hell out of you. It bores the hell out of me."

"Cut to the essentials." I smiled in spite of myself. It felt good to be here with Duke, to have the comfort of an easy conversation with a familiar old friend. "Wife and kids? If there are little Duke Crockers running around out there, I should keep my daughters away from them. You broke a lot of hearts when we were kids."

"I had a wife, but she's gone. I lost her." Duke shrugged, helplessly, and I realized what he meant.

"Oh, God, Duke, I'm so sorry." My free hand flew to my mouth. "I didn't know."

"It's okay. We'd been separated, but had just gotten back together." He replied, twisting his hands in his lap.

"How long has it been?"

"About a year and a half ago. It was here, in Haven." Duke shook his head. "Part of the…them."

Annie gave a small wail, and I shifted her quickly to my other side. "I'm sorry. She hasn't learned the art of good timing yet."

"She's adorable." Duke smiled. "How old is she?"

"Five months. Amelia, my oldest, just turned three."

"I have a daughter. Jean. She's just about Amelia's age."

"So you do have kids. We should get our girls together for a play date." I suggested, casually. "Amelia would love to have a friend."

"She isn't here." Duke replied, and I had a mental vision of my foot in my mouth. "She lives with her adoptive family, away from here. I can't be around her."

"The Troubles again?" The word had to be spoken out loud. I realized that now. It was impossible to come back – home – to Haven and not talk about the Troubles with someone like Duke. We'd both been kids when the Troubles had hit before and we'd both grown up dealing with the aftershocks of the Troubles. If anyone understood, Duke would.

"Yeah." He nodded. "It's best for her, though. Some things are best dealt with away from Haven. Others…it's best to be here."

My voice caught in my throat and I didn't trust myself to speak, tears forming in my eyes. Even though I didn't want to admit it, he was right. He reached out and gripped my hand, and I knew he understood the one part of me that I could never open up to Jason. After so many years of keeping that part of me hidden, keeping it buried, it felt right to know that I could be honest about it with at least one person.

As I took a deep breath, the one question I needed to know began to form on my lips and I knew I had to ask. "Duke. She's here, isn't she?"

He nodded. "Her name's Audrey."

"Lucy." I shook my head. "Her name was Lucy. She was Lucy when we were kids, she was Lucy when the Troubles were here before. Lucy killed my mother."

"She didn't kill your mother, Daph. I know it's easy to blame it on her, but your mother died because of the Troubles." Duke said, and I swear he'd taken that speech verbatim from my dad.

"You're spouting the party line, too, I guess." I glared at him. "Why is everyone so protective of her? For God's sake, people are dead because of her, Duke!"

"And even more people are still alive, Daphne!" He retorted, letting go of my hand. "You haven't been here, you have no idea how much is at stake."

"I know that when that damn barn shows up, she goes away again for another 27 years, the Troubles will end, but the grief that she's caused will stay." The anger began bubbling up inside of me again, and I couldn't believe that Duke, of all people, was defending her. "I'm aware of the logistics of her presence, Duke."

"We were kids the last time she was here. You don't understand."

"Understand what?"

We both glanced toward the apartment door, which was open, a young woman with straight, blond hair standing in the doorway. Someone stood behind her…but not just someone…Nathan Wuornos? Holy hell.

"We came by to see Vince and Dave, but they weren't here and we heard voices." Nathan began, looking at me oddly. "Daphne?"

"Nathan." I smiled, wanly. "Apparently, this is my day to come out of the shadows for all of my old friends. Hi. I'd get up, but, well…" I motioned to the blanket-covered lump that was Annie, who had fallen back asleep. "Give me a minute to make myself decent and put her down." I buttoned up, tossing the blanket aside and took Annie into the bedroom, laying her in the bassinet. Then, taking a deep breath, steeling myself for the introduction that was about to take place, I went back into the living room to meet my mother's murderer.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Daphne Teagues, when did you get back in town?" Nathan grabbed me in a bear hug as I walked back into the living room. "It's been a long time."

"A couple of weeks, but I haven't really felt very social." I tried not to stare at her as I hugged Nathan. Letting go of him, I stepped back. "In fact, Duke nearly ended up with a baby monitor-shaped dent in his head. Does everyone usually just walk into the Herald's offices and wander around for the hell of it?"

"Well, it is a newspaper office. You kind of expect it to be open to the public." _She_ answered with a wry smile. If I hadn't known who she was, I knew I'd have liked her immediately. But I did know who she was. And that made every difference in the world. "I didn't know there was an apartment up here. Are you related to Vince and Dave?"

I looked helplessly to Duke and Nathan. "She doesn't know who I am?" I'd assumed that my dad would have told her. Maybe not everything, but at least that he had a daughter. Irrationally, a wave of hurt swept over me that he'd kept me a secret from her. Why?

"I'm Audrey Parker." She held out a hand, and before I realized what I was doing, I took it. "I'm Nathan's partner on the Haven PD."

"I know who you are." I said, my tone soft, my voice shaking. Instead of the dramatic confrontation that I'd expected to have when I first met her…saw her again, I was overwhelmed with seeing her and I realized that she was the same person as Lucy, but not the same. Just like I wasn't that five-year-old little girl anymore. "I'm Vince's daughter. Daphne."

"Wait, what?" Audrey looked at Nathan, and then at Duke, confused. "Vince never mentioned that he had a daughter. I never knew he was married."

I felt a hand on my back, Duke steadying me and I knew, keeping me from losing it. I turned around to stare at him. "She has no idea, does she?" Turning back to Audrey, I saw that she was being honest. "You knew me a long time ago. You knew me when you were Lucy." Her expression turned to one of shock and surprise.

"O-kay." Nathan held up his hands. "Let's slow down before this starts to become a train wreck. Audrey, this is Daphne Teagues – "

"Porter." Duke corrected him with a sly grin.

"Daphne Teagues Porter. Vince's daughter." Nathan corrected himself. "She grew up here, a couple of years behind me and Duke in school. When she graduated, she went away to college and as far as I know, this is the first time she's been back to Haven."

"I promise, I haven't come back to Haven before and hidden away for the fun of it." I rolled my eyes at him. "This really is the first time I've been back."

"Yeah, where'd you go to college? I didn't realize that it was so far away that you couldn't ever come back for a visit." I recognized the undercurrent of sarcasm in Nathan's playful tone.

"Duke…University." I replied, turning on Duke before he could say anything. "And no, I did not choose it for the name. It wasn't exactly an overnight trip home to Maine."

"Summer vacations, Christmas break, spring break?" Nathan continued, losing any hint of humor. "You never bothered to come home to see your dad and Dave?"

"What the hell, Nathan? I was busy. They always came to visit me, and yes, I have seen them many times since I left." I stared at him, wondering where the hostility was coming from. "My relationship with my dad is really none of your concern."

We continued to glare at one another, and it suddenly struck me why he might have been angry. Now, however, wasn't the time to discuss it. It wasn't the time to discuss a lot of things. I felt emotionally drained, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the stress of seeing Lucy – Audrey, I'd have to get used to calling her Audrey – or suddenly being thrust out of my own private sanctuary. Either way, I felt my eyes filling with tears, and I brushed them away, pissed off that I looked weak in front of Duke and Nathan and _her_.

"Excuse me for a minute." I turned and fled into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I knew I was being rude, but if I stayed, I knew I would lose it. I sank down on the bed, my head in my hands. When I finally dared to look up, my eyes drifted to the framed family portrait of Jason, me, and the girls that we'd done right after Annie was born. God, I missed him. My heart ached so much that it radiated throughout my entire body and I just wanted to close my eyes, close them tightly in the hopes that I'd wake up back in Atlanta.

"I can't do this without you." I whispered to him, running my fingers over the portrait. "How can I be expected to go on by myself?"

A soft, short knock at the door startled me. "Please go away." I called softly, not wanting to wake Annie. "Please. I shouldn't have come back here. I just need to be alone."

"Sweetheart, it's me."

Daddy.

"Come in, Daddy." I called, quietly. The door opened, and he walked into the bedroom. Wordlessly, he sat next to me on the bed, put his arm around me, and I buried my face in his shoulder, just as I'd done as a little girl. Wrapping my arms around him, I let my emotions go and began to sob. He held me tightly and let me cry.

"I know, honey. Let it out." He rocked me gently, just as Jason had rocked Amelia to sleep as a baby, then Annie.

"It's my fault, Daddy. It was my fault." I choked out through my sobs. "I should have listened to you, I should have told him about my Trouble, I should have come back to Haven when you asked me to. Jason would still be alive, my girls would still have their father, I'd still have my husband…it's my fault, Dad."

"No, my girl. It wasn't your fault, you can't do that to yourself." He replied, gently. "Blaming yourself isn't the answer."

I lifted my head, looking at him in disbelief. "How can you say that? You've been through the Troubles more times than almost anyone else in Haven. You've seen what they do, what they bring – how can you tell me not to blame myself?"

"Because you are Troubled. You didn't ask for this affliction, you were born with it. Do you blame your mother for dying?"

"Mama didn't die because of the Trouble, she was killed." I replied, angrily. "Of course I don't blame her."

"Sweetheart, your mother couldn't control her Trouble. She didn't want to. It was controlling her, and she'd lost all ability to fight it. It wasn't her fault, either, but she gave up." Dad squeezed my hands. "You're fighting. You'll never be controlled by your Trouble."

"I've already lost against it, Daddy! It's taken Jason from me, and I have no idea how to stop it from happening again! What if I do something to hurt Amelia or Annie? You or Uncle Dave? Can you promise me that will never happen?" My stomach began to roll, and bile rose in my throat. "Mama would never, ever have tried to hurt me, and she died because of her Trouble!"

"No, Daphne!" Dad grabbed my arms, and I stared at him in shock. "You may have the same affliction as your mother, but you are nothing like her! Do you understand me? Do not _ever_ compare yourself with what happened to your mother!"

Annie began to cry as I pulled away from Dad and stood up, grabbing a ten off of my dresser. "I need to get some air. I need to be alone. Please watch the girls for me." He started to say something and I interrupted before he could get a word out. "Please, Daddy! I'm asking you to give me some space right now!"

Resigned, he nodded and went to Annie. Without looking back, I rushed out of the bedroom, past Amelia and Dave in the living room, and nearly ran down the stairs to the Herald office. Duke, Nathan, and Audrey were still in the office, but ignoring them, I yanked open the front door and left my protective cocoon for the real world. I had no idea where I was going, I just knew I needed to get away from the sensory overload of the last hour.

I started walking east, the crisp, chilly air of a Maine autumn enveloping me. I kept my head down, not wanting to run into anyone I knew, not wanting to explain my presence in Haven again. I inhaled as deeply as I could, wishing I could numb my body simply by breathing in the cold. I hadn't bothered to grab a coat. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except getting away.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been walking until I reached the high school, three miles from the Herald offices. It wasn't a conscious destination. I didn't remember what streets I had taken to get there. School had been dismissed for the day, and the parking lot was about a quarter full. I could hear the marching band practicing, see the football team on their practice field, watch the girls' field hockey team finishing up a home game.

I'd played field hockey, needing a sport for my college applications since they were full of every other type of extracurricular activity. I was more attracted to the idea of wearing a cute plaid skirt while brandishing a stick and using it to nail an opposing player in the shins without getting caught by a ref. Watching the girls on the field, I felt an urge to take one of their sticks, smash in car windshields, cause some type of destruction to make myself feel alive again. I quickly shook the thought from my head, not wanting it to become more than just a harmless thought.

Wandering to the field, I took a seat in the bleachers and watched the last ten minutes of the game. As the teams broke up and the few parents in attendance disappeared, I was left to a quiet field with only a maintenance guy cleaning up. In the quiet peace of the fading afternoon, my breathing became more even and calm began to wash over me. I pushed the memory of the heated conversation between my dad and me to the back of my mind. I didn't want to know what he meant when he said my mother let her Trouble control her. I didn't want to believe that she'd stopped fighting.

The sun began to dip behind the trees, but I stayed where I was, the bleachers turning ice-cold beneath me. In the three months since I'd lost Jason, I'd never truly been alone. I'd always had his family comforting me, or friends helping me with the girls, or even just my daughters nearby. It occurred to me how much I had been craving solitude.

It didn't last long. As I stared across the field, I heard a female voice behind me. "Hey." _Her_ voice. Once again, to my surprise, I felt no anger or hostility, just curiosity and the urge to talk to her one-on-one , try to make sense of what had happened 27 years ago. "Sorry to interrupt your privacy, but your dad's kind of worried about you." She slid onto the bleachers next to me.

"I can take care of myself." I glanced at her. "He, of all people, should know that."

"He's your dad. Dads never stop worrying about their little girls, in my limited experience." She smiled, softly. "And knowing Vince, you're never going to be too old for his protection."

"Throw in Uncle Dave, and it's like having my own mini-PD." I replied, shaking my head in amusement. "I just had to get out of there."

"Too many familiar faces – "

"Breeding contempt." I finished with a soft laugh. "I wasn't expecting the third degree from Nathan. Looks like he's at least in the right profession."

"Yeah, I don't know what got into him." Audrey made a face. "Too much caffeine today or something." She paused for a moment. "Duke and Nathan explained…you know. I'm sure it doesn't mean much coming from someone you don't know, but I'm so sorry for your loss."

I was silent for a moment, then nodded my thanks. I could tell that Audrey wasn't one to push for more than I was willing to give. For some reason, that comforted me. I twisted my wedding rings on my left hand. "I don't know when I should take them off." I said, helplessly. "They've been a part of me for so long. If I take them off, it's like closing a door that locks from the other side."

"I think you're the only one who can make that decision." Audrey answered, quietly. "If there's one thing that living in Haven has taught me, it's to trust my instincts. Don't be afraid to trust yours."

"Is that how you help the Troubled?" I asked. "Are your instincts always right?"

Her expression registered surprise. "I suppose that's one way to look at it. I just do what comes naturally. There's not really a how-to manual." She gazed out across the field. "But I don't do it alone. There's Duke and Nathan, and your dad and Dave…" She paused a moment. "Back at your apartment, you asked Duke and Nathan why Vince hadn't told me about you. I'll admit, I'm wondering the same thing. You seem to know a lot about me, but the only things I know about you, besides what you told me, is that you're Vince's daughter and you recently lost your husband."

"My dad is rather selective in the information he chooses to provide to people."

"That's an unusual trait for a newspaperman."

"But not for someone in Haven." I pointed out. "I should tell you now that I'm one of the lucky ones in Haven."

"You're Troubled." She stated, cautiously. "Vince…"

"As far as I know, my dad and Uncle Dave are perfectly normal. Normal as in 'not Troubled', not normal as in 'not strange'." We both smiled at that one. "I inherited mine from my mother. She got it from her mother, who got it from hers, and so on."

"Vince was married. Yet another unknown Vince fact." She shrugged her shoulders. "I hope you don't mind if I ask...what happened to your mother?"

There it was. The subject that I'd been both dreading and anticipating, coming from the woman who'd been there when my mother died, the woman I'd been holding responsible for so many years. Time to get it over with.

"She died when I was five. Actually, you were there. As Lucy." It took all of my energy to force the words out. "You…Lucy…you killed her."

I knew I'd never forget the shocked, horrified expression on her face, as if she'd been blindsided by a brick, and I also knew I'd never forget the sickening, horrible feeling that started in the pit of my stomach because I was the one wielding that brick.

We'd reached the point of no return, both of us perched precariously on the edge of a virtual cliff. There was no turning back now. For either of us.


	4. Chapter 4

**Since I've been doing my own obsessive rewatch of all three seasons lately, it occurred to me that the show writers and I don't seem to agree on how long Audrey's actually been in Haven (or they don't even have their timing straight because I've heard different time frames from different characters). So I know that could be an anachronism in this story, but I'm sticking to the timing I've laid out :)****. **

**Big shout-out to SD for the incredible reviews – you've been awesome! Thanks to everyone else who's been reading and following along – all critiques and comments are welcome!**

Chapter 4

Silence. Excruciating stillness all around us…thick, heavy, powerful. The only sound I heard was the pounding of my own heart, each beat flooding my ears. The rhythm turned into a chanting sound…pounding out "NO! NO! NO!" over and over mercilessly. This was wrong, it wasn't supposed to happen like this! I should be feeling anger, rage, fury…not shame and guilt.

She sat next to me, motionless, staring straight ahead. I willed her to break through the agonizing barrier that had sprung up between us, while in the back of my mind, I felt myself asking why it was so important that she do so. Nothing made sense, I wanted to hurt her, cause her pain, but even more, I wanted to apologize for what I'd said, what I'd done. Everything inside was all jumbled up, as if someone had knocked the printing press and mixed the crossword puzzle boxes in the newspaper so all that remained was an unsolvable mess of blank spaces.

Then the rushing sound began in my head, I began to lose all sense of myself and where I was and _who _I was this wasn't me I didn't hurt people like this I could never hurt anyone on purpose was I losing my mind why is this happening what was wrong with me something hurt my head my head god why did it hurt so much was I dying my girls I needed my girls so much pain make it stop make it stop make it stop and black.

I heard voices around me, soft voices, saying my name gently as I felt myself moving. "Daphne? You're going to be fine. We'll take very good care of you."

I tried to form words, say thank you, open my eyes, but I seemed to be suspended in time, frozen in air. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force my eyes to open, the effort was enormous. My entire being began slipping again, slipping into the grey and smoke of silence. I stopped fighting it.

The lights above me shone brightly, and I turned my head away from them with a moan. My eyes slid open to see my dad sitting next to me, his face a mask of worry.

"Thank God, you're awake." He exhaled, and as my senses began to return to me slowly, I felt his hand wrapped around mine, the warmth reassuring me. "You scared us, baby girl." He hadn't called me baby girl since I was nine and had rebelled against the nickname.

"What happened?" I tried to speak the words, but my mouth was so dry that I couldn't force them out. Only air. Dad grabbed the cup on the bedside table, holding the straw to my mouth so that I could take a drink of water. "What happened?" I managed to mumble. My head pounded and my vision was hazy.

Dad looked hesitant. "I'll let the doctor explain exactly what happened. You're going to be fine, though."

"Yes, you are, young lady!"

I glanced up to see our old family doctor, Dr. Sutton, walk into the room, a smile on his face. He'd been my doctor for my entire childhood in Haven and I hadn't seen him in years. He'd barely changed, growing a bit greyer on the top, but otherwise, he was the same.

"You know, if you wanted to say hello, all you had to do was stop by my office, Daphne." He grinned at me, taking a seat next to my bed, on the opposite side of my dad. "No need to travel here by ambulance."

"Hi, Dr. Sutton." I attempted a smile, aware that I was failing miserably. "Am I going to be okay?"

"Okay enough that we're only going to keep you overnight for observation." He replied, glancing at the chart in his hands. "I understand you've been through some pretty terrible times lately. I'm sorry to hear about your husband." He closed the chart. "You had what's called a Transient Ischemic Attack, or what's better known as a mini-stroke."

My eyes widened. "A stroke? But I'm only 32!"

"A TIA is a little different from a full-on stroke. They're caused by a blood clot, which can be brought on by stress, but unlike a regular stroke, a TIA usually resolves within a few minutes, sometimes longer, but with no lasting effects. In your case, it's lucky that Officer Parker was with you. She said that you became incoherent and seemed to lose your equilibrium, causing you to fall forward and hit your head on a sharp corner of the bleachers. There was a lot of blood, but luckily, a fairly superficial wound." Dr. Sutton looked over at Dad. "A TIA can indicate that you may be prone to a massive stroke in the future, or you may never have one again. I'd like to say that this was simply the result of the stress of the past few months, but since we can't be sure, I want to see you in my office for a follow-up next week."

"Is that why I had that sharp pain in my head before I lost consciousness?" I asked.

"Your blood pressure was dangerously high when they brought you in." Dr. Sutton nodded. "The combination of that and the TIA were probably the culprits." He patted my hand. "You can go home in the morning, but I do want to keep you tonight just to keep an eye on you. More than likely, you'll be completely back to normal aside from the gash on your head, but there are some things you'll need to monitor, such as your salt intake, stress level, things like that. But I don't see any reason that you won't bounce back to normal soon."

"Thank you, Dr. Sutton." Dad said, gratefully. "We'll take good care of her."

With a nod to Dad, Dr. Sutton stood up and left the room. I turned suddenly to Dad in a panic. "The girls? Where are they?"

Dad squeezed my hand. "They're fine. Dave is taking care of them, and Duke is helping him out. Duke has a way with kids."

"Annie will be hungry. She'll need to eat." I tried to stay calm, not exacerbate the pain shooting through my head.

"She'll take a bottle if she's hungry." Dad soothed me. "Even if it's not her first choice, she won't starve. And with the pain medication they gave you, you won't be able to feed her. She'll be fine with your Uncle Dave. He helped me raise you and you turned out pretty well." He grinned at me,

I couldn't argue with him. I knew he was right. "I got your sense of humor and Dave's debate skills. I'm not so sure you're right about that." I smiled, then sank back into my pillow, turning the conversation back to a serious note. "Is there a history of stroke in our family?"

"Not that I know of." Daddy shook his head. "I think Dr. Sutton is right when he said it was probably brought on by stress."

"What about on Mama's side?" I asked. "Don't we have her family medical history somewhere?"

"Not that I've ever seen. She lost both of her parents before she turned twenty, and they were her only family. And nothing like this ever happened to your mother."

"It's not part of…part of my Trouble, is it?" I spoke the words so softly that Dad had to strain to hear me. "Could that have caused this?"

"Sweetheart." Daddy leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then fixed his eyes on mine. "I don't think this had anything to do with it. You've been under an incredible amount of stress in the last few months, you've dealt with situations that no one should have to deal with, and sometimes, these things happen. Not everything can be traced to the Troubles. The best thing you can do now is to follow Dr. Sutton's advice and take care of yourself, for you and for the girls."

We were interrupted by a nurse entering the room, her voice ringing out brightly. "Time for your meds!" She said, as she brought a small tray to my bed. She also carried something in her hand, what seemed to be a piece of medical equipment. "Your friend who came with you told us that you're breastfeeding, so I borrowed a breast pump from maternity. Unfortunately, you won't be able to freeze any of the milk. You'll have to pump and dump tonight, but at least it'll help relieve the discomfort."

Dad, who'd had to explain the birds and the bees to me when I was ten and who'd bought me the things I needed when I got my first period, paled at the nurse's casual attitude about the breast pump. He stood up. "I'll let Audrey and Nathan know how you're doing, and call Dave so that you can have some privacy, honey." He moved around the pump as if the tubing might lash out and bite him, and I choked back a giggle at his embarrassment. "I'll be back in about 30 minutes."

"Dad?" I stopped him. "Audrey's still here, right? Will you ask her to come in? I'd like to thank her."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I don't know what to think about what happened to Mama, but Audrey isn't Lucy. I saw that when we were talking. I don't understand anything about why she's here, and I don't think she understands exactly why, either, but I am glad that she was with me when this happened."

Dad kissed my cheek. "So am I. I'm glad you're okay, my girl. I love you."

"Love you, too." I called, as he left the room, closing the door behind him. The nurse plugged in the breast pump, and helped me set it up. I grimaced, remembering how much I'd hated pumping the first year of Amelia's life, when I still worked part-time for a huge informational website, writing articles and editing freelance submissions. I felt conspicuous going into the 'nursing room' (i.e., a tiny, windowless conference room that no one used anymore) and always got restless to get back to my research on Eleanor of Aquitaine or pulling the top ten best lines from my favorite TV shows for the Friday blog. Pumping felt like a waste of time, and this time, even more of a waste. Even so, it was way past Annie's feeding time, so at least it would take away the feeling that I'd been corseted to hell and back.

I'd pulled a blanket over myself when Audrey knocked and stuck her head. "Your dad said you're up for a visitor."

I smiled at her. "As long as you don't mind that the room sounds like a sawmill."

"Nathan's in the waiting room and is fascinated by some daytime talk show where they're trying to find out who fathered a woman's kid. So far, they've tested four men and they haven't found the father, so I'm not holding out much hope for a surprise ending. Nathan, on the other hand, seems to think it's the mailman and is just waiting for the test to validate his guess." She grinned. "How's the head?"

"Feels like every hangover that I ever had in college put together with some clanging pots added in for fun." I replied, pulling a face. "I wanted to say thanks for getting me here. I would hate to think what might have happened if you hadn't been at the field with me."

"All in a day's work." She sat in the chair that my dad had vacated. "Don't mention it."

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Yeah. Speaking of things that probably shouldn't be mentioned…what I said…about my mom. That wasn't how I meant to bring it up."

"I have to admit…" She began, and I braced myself for the questions. "Your timing sucks like a Dyson on speed."

I let out an uncontrollable giggle. It sounded more like someone choking a squirrel instead of an actual giggle, which must have set Audrey off. Before we knew it, both of us were laughing so hard that we had tears in our eyes. She leaned over and put her head down, her shoulders heaving with hysterics.

After a couple of minutes, I pulled myself together, and Audrey sat up, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her eyes. I stared straight ahead, afraid to look over at her and set one or both of us off again. "That was the best laugh I've had in months."

"I have no idea when I last laughed like that." She replied, and I could tell she was trying not to crack up. "I'm going to hazard a guess and say that it was in 1955."

"It was the first time you saw my dad's hair, wasn't it?"

Yeah. That did it.

We were still laughing a minute later when the door to my room opened and Nathan walked in. "Whoa!" He turned his head, covering his eyes at the sight of the pump, even though nothing was visible. "I can hear the two of you in the waiting room and I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

He had to wait until both Audrey and I had gotten our hysterics under control, and could talk. "We're fine." Audrey told him. "We just both found something funny."

"And you don't have to cover your eyes, Nathan." I waved at him. "You're not going to see anything X-rated." _Or anything you've never seen before, _I wanted to add, but thought better of it.

"So I guess you're feeling better." He joined Audrey at the side of the hospital bed, still managing to avert his eyes. "Glad to hear it."

I swear I heard a snort from Audrey, but I held onto my dignity and ignored it. "Thank you. I had to come out of hiding eventually, and you know me, I bring the drama." I shifted the blanket, trying to get more comfortable, but also trying to see if I could make Nathan run screaming from the room. After months of grieving, the sudden onslaught of humor felt like Christmas, and my typical, teasing nature seemed to be returning somewhat. "They're letting me out tomorrow. Can I get a ride home in a police cruiser, lights flashing and all? You know, because I think there are still a few people in Haven who don't know I'm back."

"They haven't improved much since the last times you rode in them." Nathan made a joke, and I resisted the urge to clutch my chest in fake delight. "Besides, if I remember correctly, the Chief gave you a ride home in his cruiser enough in high school that Vince and Dave won't be surprised to see you in one now."

Audrey looked at me in surprise. "You were a juvenile delinquent? Funny, I would have pegged you as one of the good girls."

"You can be both in Haven." I answered, grinning. "My friends and I –" I glanced at Nathan. "My friends and I liked to break into private property on Saturday nights. Golf courses, grocery store parking lots, places like that. Typical high school rebelliousness, we'd drink cheap beer and fool around. Thanks to the Chief, nothing ever went on my record."

"Just a strong lecture about the dangers of trespassing and a ride home to face the Teagues brothers." Nathan added, his face stony for a moment before he smiled. "Compared to the other kids, you had it easy." His eyes met mine and a moment of understanding passed between us.

He was right, though. I never got into much trouble at home after one of those escapades, my dad figuring the Chief had 'scared me straight', unlike Nathan, who'd caught hell from his dad whenever we were picked up. He brushed off his dad's angry warnings, though, becoming a repeat offender, always joining in on our Saturday night excursions. He'd graduated two years ahead of me, and until the end of my junior year, Nathan remained a part of our group, but once he'd decided to join the police force, he grew serious, distancing himself from us. Then again, in my senior year of high school, the rest of us were applying to college or deciding what to do with our lives, so the Chief was able to shift his attention elsewhere, no longer busting us and our cans of watery beer on the weekends.

Suddenly, the room became uncomfortably silent. "I think we should go." Audrey said, looking at Nathan. "You need your rest."

"Yeah." Nathan replied, starting towards the door and then back to Audrey and me. "We'll stop by and see how you're doing when you get home. Are you staying in Haven?"

I nodded. "For the foreseeable future." I reached out and grabbed his arm. "I'm glad to see you again, Nathan." He mumbled a 'me, too' before leaving the room.

Audrey started to follow. I clicked the pump to 'off' so that the noise stopped. "Audrey?" She turned around. "Sorry again for the giant bombshell. And the whole having-a-mini-stroke-thing, too."

"No problem." She gave me a small smile. "Glad you're okay."

"I know you have a ton of questions, and to be honest, so do I." I shook my head. "I don't think you know the answers to any of them either, though."

"I don't remember anything from my time as Lucy or Sarah – "

"I know." I interrupted, not wanting her to feel as if she had to defend herself. "I was hoping maybe you'd help me find the answers to some of those questions, though. I totally understand if you'd rather not – "

"When you're feeling better, we've got some work to do. Just a warning, though…sometimes when I get answers to my questions, they just create more questions."

"So we'll find more answers and more questions."

Audrey didn't answer me, just gave a very slight nod, and left the room. I leaned back against my pillows, fatigue overtaking me. I fell asleep, and for the first time since the night that Jason had been killed, I slept peacefully.


	5. Chapter 5

I awoke to his familiar touch, his fingers intertwining with my long, dark hair, and felt his breath on my ear, which sent shivers down my spine.

"I've been waiting to do this all day."

In my half-sleep, half-wake state, the slow heat began, our private dance of passion that we'd perfected in our years together. I reached back with my right arm, grasping his hand, pushing the curve of my body back into his, trying to fit as closely to him as possible, needing his solid warmth to become an extension of my own. Not letting go of my hand, he traced a path down my body, and I bit my lip, torn between wanting to prolong the sweet agony of anticipation and the desperate need to touch him, have him touch me, bring our bodies together in release as we'd done so many times before.

"Please." I murmured, my breathing ragged and needy.

He knew me too well. "Not yet." He whispered, putting his mouth on the curve where my neck and shoulder met, and I shuddered. "We have plenty of time."

Plenty of time. Time. There _was_ no more time.

I rolled over to face him, my beautiful Jason. He was just as I remembered him, his reddish-brown hair tousled, his blue eyes loving and kind. I reached out to cup his face in my hand, leaned in to kiss him, desperate for this to be real, praying that everything else had been the dream, not this. I could feel him, feel his skin under my hand, feel his lips pressing gently on mine. How could I feel so much? This had to be real.

"I know everything." He said, softly, nothing changing in his expression. His voice, however, sounded colder than I'd ever heard it, so cold that it felt as if he'd doused my body in ice water. "It's your fault that I died."

"What?" I pulled away, my heart pounding in fear and confusion. "I don't understand, Jason."

"Secrets don't keep forever, Daphne." The expression on his face twisted from one of love into one of pure hatred. "I know yours. I know all of them."

"Please, Jason, no!" Tears filled my eyes, I grabbed his hands, but he yanked them away, and I begged. "Let me explain, I never meant for you to get hurt, I was trying to keep you and the girls separate, keep you safe!"

"I know what you are." He sneered at me, looking nothing like the man I'd loved for so long, the man who would have fought hell on earth for his family. "You're an abomination. You should have been killed as a child, should have ended the shameful, perverse affliction that you carry, that you more than likely passed down to our daughters. All of you, every freak of nature in this cursed town should have their lives ended so that you can never hurt decent, normal people again!"

"You're wrong!" I sobbed, clutching at him in vain as he pushed me away roughly. "Our daughters are not freaks, I am not a freak, no one who suffers from the Troubles deserves to be murdered for something they can't control!"

"I never would have married you, I never would have created those two evil creatures with you if I'd known." He practically spat at me. "You deserve every bit of pain and suffering that comes your way. All of you do. Your mother deserved to die."

I was sobbing so hard that I could no longer speak as he hurled those words at me, and I felt my soul praying that this nightmare would end, I'd wake up, I'd no longer hear the man I loved with my entire being spewing such venom at me, at our daughters, the children we'd created out of love.

"You never should have kept it a secret from me. You should have stayed in Maine with your own kind." A strange, revolting smile spread across his face. "You'll pay for that, Daphne. You'll pay for deceiving me. My only regret is that I won't be the one to make you suffer." His smile grew even more gruesome, as if the idea of causing me pain gave him pleasure. "You were born to suffer."

I bolted upright in bed, drenched in sweat, unable to control my terrified screaming, unable to stop the screams. As I fought to focus on the room in front of me, as my screams pierced the apartment, as I slapped at my arms to get the feel of his touch off of me, the bedroom door opened and Duke came running in.

"Daphne!" He rushed to my side, grabbing my arms and trying to hold me still. "You just had a nightmare, you're safe! You're in Haven, no one will hurt you!"

I tried to swallow the screams unsuccessfully for a couple of minutes, but when I finally realized that I was awake, that Duke was sitting on the bed next to me, Duke was holding my arms, trying to calm and comfort me, they subsided into deep, heavy breaths punctuated by ragged sobs.

"It was just a dream, Daph." Duke held my hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over my fingers in comfort. "I promise, you're safe."

"It was so real, Duke." I managed to moan through my tears. "I could touch him, he could touch me..." I twisted my hands in my lap. "He touched me...the way he used to. For a minute, I thought he was still alive."

"It wasn't real, Daphne. I know you want to believe that it was real - "

"No, Duke!" I cried out in a panic. "No! At first, I did want to believe that it was really him, but then...he changed. He started saying these horrible things, he said he knew everything, he knew about my Trouble, he called me an abomination! He told me that I should have been killed, that Amelia and Annie, they should be killed, that we're freaks who don't deserve to live." My words grew frantic as I repeated the terrible things that the Jason in my mind had said.

"It's your subconscious, that's all. The mind can play terrible tricks on us." Duke put a calming hand on my shoulder. "You're not responsible for what happened, you couldn't control it."

"That's not the worst part, Duke." My voice dropped to the point where it was nearly inaudible. "He said I'm going to suffer for what I did, for keeping secrets. He said...he said I was born to suffer." I whispered the last past so softly that I wasn't sure that Duke heard me. I wasn't sure that I wanted him to hear me.

He'd heard. "Dreams are dreams, Daphne. That wasn't Jason, that was an image that your subconscious created. You feel guilty, so of course, your subconscious is going to filter that guilt into an image of the one person who would break your heart if those guilty thoughts were actually put into words and you heard them from him."

I realized it was futile to try to explain how real my interaction with Jason, or my mind's vision of Jason, had been. I couldn't make sense of it, all I knew was that I hadn't been dreaming. I decided to change the subject.

"I take it you drew the short straw to be my babysitter today, huh?" I'd been home from the hospital for a couple of days, but Dad was still uncomfortable with the idea of me being alone, so he and Dave had been taking turns keeping me company. Today, however, they'd taken Amelia and Annie to Bangor to visit the Maine Discovery Museum and would be gone most of the day, so Dad must have called Duke.

"I volunteered, actually." Duke pulled the desk chair to the side of the bed. "The restaurant is closed on Mondays, so I figured we could catch up."

I was genuinely touched. "You gave up your day off to hang out with me? You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. We really didn't get a chance to talk much the first day I found out you were back. There are things you probably need to know about what's been happening around here. It's also been fifteen years since I last saw one of my best friends and if you want to know the truth, I've missed you." Duke ducked his head sheepishly.

"Don't be embarrassed." I replied, honestly. "I missed my old partner-in-crime, too. We should have kept in touch. Why didn't we?"

"We wanted out of Haven and we didn't want reminders of why we wanted to leave so badly. We would have been a constant reminder to each other of the crappy stuff that we were leaving behind."

"True." I admitted. "The last year I lived in Haven wasn't the same without you, though. I understood why you left right after you graduated, but Haven was very different without you."

"I left you in good hands with Nathan. I knew he'd protect you." Duke handed me the cup of water on my nightstand. "I wouldn't have left if I didn't think he'd look out for you. I know everyone in this town has selective memory and likes to claim that no one is treated differently because of the Troubles, but you and I both know that's not the case."

"I'm not saying that Nathan didn't protect me. I protected him, too. But the three of us were a team, we took care of each other, Duke. We always did since we were little. When you left, things changed."

Duke didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. I wasn't sure if he thought I was angry or upset, or if he was just gathering his thoughts. Finally, he spoke again. "Things were already changing before I left, Daphne. The three of us hadn't been a team for a long time, you know that. I figured it was only a matter of time before it became obvious to you and Nathan, too, so I'd beat things to the punch."

I felt my face turning red as I realized that Duke knew much more than I'd given him credit for. "When did you find out?"

"There was a Monday in April that we had off for a teacher workday – you were a sophomore, Nathan and I were seniors. We made plans with everyone to spend the day at the lake, over by the abandoned cabin off of Route 22." Duke stared at me meaningfully. "Do you remember that day?"

I blushed. "Yeah. Stephen and Mark managed to supply enough alcohol that we were all shit-faced by noon. Melissa Newton decided to go skinny-dipping, too, do you remember? I think we were Haven's one and only nudist colony that day." I laughed. "I still can't believe you dated her. You were way too good for her. If it could be scientifically classified as a male, she'd sleep with it. And you deserved someone better than that. I saw her go in the cabin with at least three guys that day. So many people kept trying to hook up tere hat someone actually suggested that we put up a sign-up sheet with time slots."

"Ah, yes, the Hotel Hump. I think I was the only one who didn't use it that day." Duke nodded in recognition. "I saw you and Nathan go in at some point in the afternoon and thought you were upset about something, so you guys went to talk. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

As I realized what he meant, my hand flew to my mouth and I stared at him, shocked. "You didn't."

"I did. The two of you were a bit busy, so you had no idea that I'd even come in. As soon as I saw what was going on, I left, but that day was the turning point."

"Duke, I am so sorry that you found out like that." I could feel my face burning and I knew it had to be beet-red. "Stuff with Nathan...it just happened. We never meant to keep it a secret, but I don't think either of us really understood what was going on. We had no idea how to classify our relationship. We weren't a couple, we weren't dating, nothing else between us changed. We were hanging out at my house one night when my dad and Dave were in Portland for something with the paper, watching the Breakfast Club - "

"Is that still your favorite movie?" Duke asked, a twinkle in his eye.

"Always." I admitted. "I practiced putting my lipstick on from my cleavage for weeks until I could do it perfectly. And then I had to demonstrate it at every party I went to in my freshman year of college. But back to Nathan...we were watching the movie, there was a line from Molly Ringwald that just made me cry for some reason, he tried to comfort me with a hug, and the next thing I knew, we were in my bed, and I was no longer a virgin." I shrugged. "Neither of us planned it."

"That wasn't the only time, obviously. There must have been some planning at some point." Duke rolled his eyes.

"I don't think either of us expected it to go past that night. It just did. But my relationship with Nathan didn't really change."

"Except for the fact that the two of you were having sex and you didn't do much to keep it a secret from anyone."

"No one knew. We didn't tell anyone."

"You didn't think anyone knew. Come on, Daphne, you were a smart girl. Did you really think you and Nathan had kept things a secret? _Everyone_ knew. Everyone at school, the Chief, your dad and Dave...the only way you could have been more obvious would have been to buy ad space on a billboard on King Street."

I guess I shouldn't have been so shocked, but I was. Until now, I really thought Nathan and I had kept it a secret. "My _dad_ knew that I was having sex with Nathan? Oh, God." I shook my head to try to make _that_ horror go away. "He never let on." I turned on Duke. "Why didn't you just say something to us, to _me?_ I would have told you if you'd just asked."

"Did you love Nathan?" Duke asked, his tone serious. "All that time that you were sleeping together, did you have feelings for him? Did he have feelings for you?"

"When it first happened, we both thought we might have feelings for one another, but it didn't take long for both of us to realize that our feelings didn't go beyond friendship. The sex wasn't coming from anywhere romantic." I admitted, honestly. "You and Nathan were my closest friends in the world, both of you knew me as well as I knew myself, and I have always loved both of you, but only as friends. I didn't have any romantic feelings toward him, and he didn't have any for me. I don't know where the sex fit into our friendship, it just felt like another part of that friendship. Nothing else changed for us."

"You had tunnel vision, Daph." Duke retorted. "Because it changed everything between you and me. You pulled away from me, spent more and more time with Nathan, and made me feel like I wasn't as important to you as he was."

My eyes clouded with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry, Duke. I had no idea. I didn't know how much I'd hurt you. We thought we were being so careful not to tip anyone off, but if I had known that you'd found out that I was sleeping with Nathan, I would have told you immediately. Please believe me."

"You and Nathan slept together?"

Audrey's voice. Both Duke and I turned to see Audrey and Nathan standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Nathan held up the baby monitor from the living room. "You never turned it off. We came by to see how you're doing, and it was on."

I groaned. Peachy. Effing peachy. I managed a weak smile to the three of them. "So when we've finished discussing this issue, I'll tell you the story of how I started my first period when I was thirteen, sitting in 8th grade math, wearing a white linen skirt. I have a talent for self-humiliation, in case you hadn't noticed."

Son of a bitch.


	6. Chapter 6

I've been toying with the idea of telling part of this story from Vince's POV, so I decided to go ahead and dive into it :). Please review - I really appreciate any feedback. It gets me excited to write more (and more quickly :D).

**_Vince_**

I'm not one of those parents who think that their child can do no wrong. As much as I love my daughter, I know that she has her faults. Some of the negative traits, she's inherited from me, but I'd like to think that I've given her more positive than negative. Her mother passed down the best and worst of her own personality to Daphne, but mostly her best traits, thank God.

When I see Daphne with her daughters, when I realize how hard she's trying to be the mother that she never had…I'm overwhelmed with love for her. She's a good – no, she's a _great_ mom, and her daughters are happy. Someday, even with all that she's been through, she'll be happy again, too.

As long as she never finds out about the things I've kept from her.

No matter how old your child is, sometimes you have to make difficult decisions when it comes to their welfare. What I've never told her, what I've kept from her; I made the decision to do so. If she knew everything, not just what she thinks I've not telling her about her mother, she'd hate me. I imagine the way she'd look at me, and I know it's the right thing to do. So much of this started before she was even born, before I'd even met Corinne, her mother.

Everything started with Sarah.

Dave thinks I'm wrong, of course. He helped me raise Daphne after Corinne died, he's more than her uncle, he's a second father. Even so, I'm pulling rank. We haven't seen eye-to-eye on so many things lately, but Daphne is where we disagree the most. He wants me to tell her everything, that she deserves to know the truth. And he's right. She does. But what she deserves and what she needs are two separate issues.

We've taken the girls to the Discovery Museum in Bangor today, although I wasn't thrilled with the idea of being several hours away from Daphne. I trust Duke with her, though. I'll always trust Duke with my daughter. Annabelle is a little young for the exhibits, but she seems to be happy watching her sister flit from exhibit to exhibit. Just like her mother, Amelia gravitates towards the books, insisting that we read the ones that catch her eye. Her early love of books is only one facet of her personality that reminds me of Daphne. She's also fascinated with anything musical – if she finds a stick or a bottle, she immediately transforms it into a guitar, a flute, or a microphone.

Dave asked me recently if I could go back and do it all over again, would I change anything, would I do things differently? I replied by asking him the same question. Neither of us could fathom a life that didn't include my daughter or my granddaughters. To change the past…it would change her. Them.

The answer will always be no.

**_1983 – Haven_**

"Daddy!" She jumped from the porch, her dark brown braids flying behind her as she hurled herself into my arms. "You're home!"

"I'm home, my Daffodil." I hugged her tightly and set her down. "Did you have a nice day today?" She nodded, grinning. "Where's Mommy?"

"Inside making dinner. Is Uncle Dave coming over tonight?" She glanced behind me, looking for her beloved uncle.

"Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow." I looked at her face, noticing a fresh cut on her cheek as we walked up the porch and started into the house. "How'd you hurt your face? Did you fall at school today?"

Her hand flew up to her cheek. "I fell into the corner of the kitchen table." She answered, her eyes downcast. The sudden, bubbling anger choked my throat, and I pushed it down. She couldn't see that. "I'm okay. It only hurt for a little bit."

"That's my brave girl." I kissed her on the forehead. "Will you do me a favor? Go upstairs to your room and play for a little while. I have to talk to Mommy about something, boring grown-up talk."

"Okay. I promised Miss Lucy I'd draw her a picture anyway. I'm going to draw the lighthouse." She smiled.

"That's my girl." I watched as she ran upstairs to her bedroom, and steeled myself for the confrontation that I knew was coming. Walking into the kitchen, I saw Corinne at the stove, stirring something in a saucepan, her back to me.

Without turning around, she spoke. "She fell, Vince. She was running in the house, and she slipped and hit her cheek on the table. She knows better than to run in the house."

"I didn't say anything." I set my keys next to the phone.

"You don't have to say a damn thing, Vince, I can feel the accusation radiating from you all the way over here." She slammed the saucepan back against the stove. "She's five years old. Five year olds hurt themselves all the time."

"I wasn't accusing you of anything, Corrine. Is it necessary to start with the defensiveness the moment that I walk in the door?"

She whirled around, and I saw how angry she was. "You're the one who should be defensive. I saw you with her today. At the diner, having lunch, looking pretty cozy. Would you like to explain what you were doing with her?"

"Oh, for the love of God, Corinne, it was a lunch meeting! She's the police department liaison and I run the town's newspaper. She provides us with information about stories, and we print it! It was completely innocent!" I spit the words out, frustration evident in every syllable.

"If it's so innocent, then why can't Dave go?" She hissed. "Last time I checked, he runs the Herald with you."

"He was doing the layout for the week. And I've explained this to you. I have always been the one who meets with the Haven PD liaison, it's been that way for years. I'm not going to change our policies because you can't get over your issues!" The anger finally broke in my voice. "We were having lunch, in public, discussing who might have stolen Duke Crocker's new bike for the police blotter. I assure you, Corinne, that was the highlight of our meeting. The theft of a seven-year-old boy's new Huffy three-speed bicycle. I don't need you to spy on me when I'm working."

She glared at me for about fifteen seconds before speaking. "I wasn't spying. I was picking Daphne up from school and happened to drive by the diner. She saw you, too, so of course, all I heard the entire way home was Lucy this and Lucy that!"

"Is that why you felt the need to hurt her? Because she has the audacity to like Lucy?" I spat the words at her. "I've told you before, Corinne, if you aren't willing to take the necessary steps to control your Trouble, if you take out your anger on our daughter, I will do whatever it takes to get her away from you!"

The tension in the kitchen became so thick that I swore I felt it breathing. Corinne and I locked eyes, still and silent. I waited.

Then I saw it. The almost imperceptible movement of her right hand. That was the only sign I needed. I rushed over and wrestled the saucepan from her just as she tried to hurl it and the boiling contents at me. Throwing it into the sink, I pinned her arms behind her and pushed her to the wall. She fought me, but I'd been through this before. I knew her tricks.

"I never should have married you!" Corinne screamed, as I wrapped my arms around her to keep her still. "You're a despicable, miserable man, and I regret the day I ever met you, Vincent Teagues!"

I sighed. "I know. I know, Corinne." I held her tightly until her body began to relax and she finally let her body go. I still wasn't ready to release her from my grip, though. I'd been fooled before.

Her anger soon gave way to gulping sobs. "I didn't mean to do it, Vince!" The tears streamed down her face as she rested her forehead against the wall. "I was so angry and she just wouldn't stop talking about Lucy, how she wanted to draw her a picture of the lighthouse, how nice she is, and it just happened. I swear to you, Vince, I didn't mean to hurt her!"

I loosened my hold on her, and she turned around to face me. "You have to start taking your medication, Corinne. You know what Dr. Sutton said. It won't stop the Trouble, but you're dealing with more than just the Trouble. Please. Take your medication. For Daphne."

She nodded, leaning her head into my chest. I rested my chin on her head, her red hair hanging down her back in one long braid. "I'll call Dr. Sutton in the morning. For Daphne."

We stood there silently for a moment before I pulled away. "I'm going to talk to her. Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded. "She knows how much I love her. She does."

I didn't answer her. I put my hand on her cheek and rested it there for a moment before going upstairs to check on my daughter.

She'd left her bedroom door ajar, so I knew she'd heard everything. Even so, I could see that she didn't want me to know. She was seated at her small desk, humming, her head bent seriously over the picture that she was drawing. Listening for a moment, I recognized the tune that she was humming – Janis Joplin's 'Piece of My Heart'. Amused at her unusual taste in music for a five-year-old, I walked into her room and shut the door behind me. I sat down on her bed, which was covered with a bright yellow and white quilt.

"How's that picture coming along?"

She looked up, a yellow crayon in her hand. "I'm coloring the sun. Haven doesn't get much sun, though. Do you think it makes my picture a lie?"

"Not at all, Daffodil. " I smiled at her. "Haven gets sunshine every so often. You're drawing the lighthouse on one of those days."

She put the crayon on top of her picture. "Yellow is my favorite color."

I chucked her under the chin with my finger and feigned mock astonishment. "Really? I had no idea! So that's why everything in your room is decorated in yellow!"

"Daddy." She pulled a face at me, but I could see a hint of a grin. She settled herself in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. "What's your favorite color?"

"Well, let's see…" I put a finger to my head as if deep in thought. "I think I like red."

"Red like Mommy's hair?"

"Red like red hair." I nodded as my heart tightened in guilt. Red hair. "Daffodil. Sweetheart. Did you hear Mommy and Daddy talking downstairs?"

"You weren't talking. You were yelling." Daphne answered, matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry you heard us yelling." I hugged her to me. "We both love you very much, you know that, don't you?"

"Mommy didn't mean to hurt me." Daphne gazed up at me, her green eyes wide and trusting. Innocent. "She couldn't help it. I see the pictures in my head, the pictures that…" Her voice trailed off for a moment before she continued. "The pictures that come true. Like the picture that Uncle Dave would win the bike race last month. He won and it was just like my picture. Mommy can't help seeing her pictures, even if they aren't always nice pictures."

"No, she can't, sweet girl." I kissed the top of her head softly. "And I know Mommy feels terrible about what happened with her picture today. But Mommy and I talked, and she's going to see Dr. Sutton. He can't make the pictures go away, but he might be able to help her turn the pictures nicer."

Daphne looked at me in confusion. "How can he help? You said there's nothing to do about the pictures, but they'll go away soon. Miss Lucy said so, too. She promised. You promised. They'll go away, right? Please, Daddy, I want them to go away! The pictures _have _to go away!" She buried her face in my shoulder and began to cry.

A massive wave of helplessness washed over me as I held my crying child. For the millionth time, I wished I could take her away from everything, take away her Trouble, take her out of Haven, take her anywhere so that she could be a normal little girl. And the devastating truth was that I couldn't. I couldn't fix this. All I could do was wait, just like everyone else affected by the Troubles in Haven.

Ever since she'd appeared in Haven, since the Troubles started for the second time in my life, I'd held out hope that there was a way to defeat the Barn and make the Troubles disappear. Dave and I had failed the first time, we'd tried and failed, and I'd lost her. I grieved for her, a grief that lasted for many years. I thought I was over her when I met Corinne. She reminded me of Sarah. She looked like Sarah. But I knew she wasn't Sarah, and I honestly thought I loved her. We were both delighted when Daphne was born and I became even more convinced that I'd gotten over Sarah.

Then the Troubles returned. Sarah returned…not Sarah, Lucy. She looked like Sarah, but now she was Lucy. Still, everything that had drawn me to Sarah, everything that I had loved about her, I could see it in Lucy. And the very first instant that I saw Lucy, I suddenly knew that we had to try again, we had to keep her from disappearing again, I couldn't lose her again. Dave and I had spent more than two years trying to come up with a plan to save her. We'd find another way to rid Haven of the Troubles.

But now…as I reassured my little girl that she and her mother would be okay, as the guilt and self-loathing overtook me, as I realized that I hadn't put Daphne first…everything changed. Nothing else…no one else mattered, only my daughter.

I would do whatever I needed to do to ensure that Sarah – Lucy - went into that Barn. If she ever came back, I'd do the same thing. The Barn was the only choice.

**_Haven – Present Day Continued –Evening, Outside of the Herald Office_**

As Dave unlatched Annie's infant seat and carried it inside, I lifted a sleeping Amelia out of the car. She immediately sank into me, wrapping her arms around my neck and sighing happily in her sleep. So much like her mother, so much like the little girl who had been my whole world and who was still my whole world, even as an adult. She still needed me to protect her.

I'd made my choice long ago. It was the only way.


End file.
